FEBRUARY 5, 1999 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 9

SPEAK OUT

Dear Ann: Here are some tips for gay etiquette

by Randy Sindelar

Poor Ann Landers. It seems she's still lost somewhere in the '50s, waiting for "the Beaver" to walk through the door and have a sandwich. In a recent edition of her syndicated column, published on January 24, a young woman was in a quandary. Her fiancé's father had a significant other who happened to be a man. They had been together for 19

Do not buy your partner's father a book of the "50 Most Satisfying Gay Sexual Positions" for his birthday. He does not need to be that enlightened.

years, and the fiancé considered him as another father.

"Should his name be on the invitations?" the soon-to-be bride asked. Ann, who is usually pretty with it on gay and lesbian issues, responded with a surprising, "Don't do it."

Landers responded, "[Your father's partner] will be very much in evidence at the

festivities, so he should not feel anyone is hiding him. To put his name on the wedding invitation as if he were a spouse would, in my opinion, be improper and invite a lot of criticism."

News flash, Ann: Gay and lesbian couples are not allowed to get married!

•

The sweet dear must be reading her own column, the comics, and the horoscopes, but missing the rest of the paper. Let's help her out and give her some pointers on gay and lesbian etiquette:

• If you and your partner are comfortable dancing together at your sibling's wedding, go for it. Just don't pester the DJ to play every song that the Village People and Donna Summer have recorded.

• If your parents are not pleased with the wording you use on public announcements to describe your relationship, simply tell them that from now on you will use "Ready and Willing Sexual Partner." After they ponder that, they will be thrilled with any other choice you may make.

At your partner's great-grandmother's 90th birthday party, it is not acceptable to lean over and ask her exactly how many carats are in that diamond ring of hers.

• Do not have public sex in front of anyone who is not also engaged in public sex. This seems to be an area of concern with

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• It is acceptable to have your name listed in the obituaries of your partner's loved ones, but only if you liked them in the first place. If not, send flowers-small flowers.

• Do invite your straight friends and family members to gay-oriented events. If they want to polka when everyone else is line dancing, live with it. Turnabout is fair play. • Do casually enlighten people at social events of your lifestyle. Do not, however, buy your partner's father a book of the "50 Most Satisfying Gay Sexual Positions" for his birthday. He does not need to be that enlightened.

Do not throw an open house and state on the invitation, "Breeders Also Welcome." Do admire your partner's mother's wig; but do not ask to try it on.

If you have any additional etiquette perspective for Landers, or her sister Abigail Van Buren, a.k.a. "Dear Abby,” take a few minutes to jot down your thoughts and send them along to your local newspaper. Who knows? They may even result in a book by Dear Abby or Ann Landers appearing in gay bookstores. Now, that would be progress! ✓

Randy Sindelar is a Chronicle contributing writer living in Cleveland. Messages may be left for him at sincort@aol.com

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